Do you have a great story about customer service--about going the extra mile? Mine concerns my late mother's lunch out with some other "seasoned-citizens" in Dalton, Georgia. The ladies finished their meal, and were standing in the doorway of the restaurant, staring out into a North Georgia rainstorm, with not a single umbrella among them. Right across the street, bank president Marshall Mauldin gazed out his third story window, saw the ladies' predicament, grabbed his huge golf umbrella and rushed down several flights of stairs and across the street. After the ladies were escorted to their car, and were driving out of the parking lot, one turned to my mom and said, "I'm moving my money tomorrow!" My mom didn't have the heart to say that Marshall was my boyhood friend, and Marshall grew up with her encouragement, such as, "Don't worry about making all A's, Marshall; you'll be loaning all those guys their money some day."--and she was right!
No statement of Jesus has been more incorporated into our daily culture than this one. Everyone has a great story about client service, customer service, going the extra mile for the boss, and so on. Christians are called to be salt and light in our culture. But is it accurate to apply this saying just to customer service?
Consider the historical setting this saying is drawn from. A Roman soldier traveling to a new assignment in Israel with his earthly belongings in a huge backpack could request a local citizen, probably a teenager, to carry his pack one mile. Now if you know anything about teens, you know sometimes they have other interests; and even as parents, we often have to get in line for their time. I can visualize that soldier as the end of the mile approaches, and the teen begs off. "This is where we always stop," I can hear one say. The soldier is incredulous - "We've got a quarter-mile to go." The soldier has seen much combat, but he is no match for this particular teen's stubborn nature; so he gives up the argument, and starts looking for someone else to snatch up for the job. The soldier is far from home, and arguments with locals make him feel even further away from family.
The next teen has a friendly disposition, but the soldier is not in a chatty mood. As they approach the end of the first mile in silence, the soldier starts eying the teen out of the corner of his eye, waiting for some kind of shirking. At a mile and a quarter, the soldier grants him leave, but the teen keeps going. The soldier wonders; who is this kid? What's his home town. What's his family like? The teen receives a quick tour of the world, courtesy of one who has seen it all. The teen has learned the joy of hospitality; his will be the friendly face the soldier looks for his next time through.
I like to imagine two brothers discussing the soldiers and their various reactions. Then they stop mid sentence; their jaws drop; their eyes brighten; "Maybe this will work on dad!"
Teens who took this encouragement from Jesus would win a benefactor or two for their communities and families. Whether it was a soldier or a dad, each friend would now aspire to their God-given calling as protectors instead of "hasslers".
But if you think you can win every one's heart by just doing more, you have forgotten that this is something you do with someone, not necessarily for someone. Some will never be pleased by what you do. So focus on doing it with them, not for them. Your objective is to make a friend, not win over a customer.
Consider the efficacy of this tool; it enables one to cross a vast distance across racial, cultural, and religious divides. It is quintessential peacemaking. And sometimes the greatest cultural divide is between a teen and a parent. It has been a wonderful privilege to see teens embrace this attitude of service over the years. They are sincere and amazingly consistent, demonstrating that teens are the most trainable, the quickest to rise to a challenge, and the most encouraged by positive feedback; a teen's work ethic can surprise and challenge us all.
Showing posts with label peacemaking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peacemaking. Show all posts
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Understanding Gun Violence
People generally think of turning the other cheek as putting us in a position of weakness. The contrary is true, however; our adversaries expect us to act defensively, and they are taken aback by an unexpected response. They are caught off guard. It puts us in a position of strength, and gives us an opportunity to plan our next move. (In the following examples, please keep in mind that we are talking about everyday people caught up in potential or situational violence, not hard core gangsters, terrorists, chronic domestic violence, or serial killers.)
When we last looked at Turning the Other Cheek, "Followup" segment, we considered the case where Jesus was met with an angry mob who had picked up rocks and was ready to stone him. His response, "For which of my good works do you stone me?" changed the atmosphere such that he could talk about issues. And that is the whole purpose of turning the other cheek: We de-escalate a situation. We do so by asking the other person to stop and judge us in yet another way.
The person may have already judged us, and may want to punish us by escalating to something hurtful, either by what they say (condemning, ridiculing), or how they say it (a louder or more threatening tone). These situations can quickly escalate to the threat of physical violence, as it did with Jesus.
I want to talk about two additional results of Jesus turning the other cheek. The first was that it gave him time to execute his exit strategy. When Jesus was later facing arrest and death on the cross, he told the disciples that he could ask his Father, and He would send legions of angels to deliver him (although we know that was not his plan). But in most of his life, as in our lives, Jesus relied on natural means for his protection and his needs. He walked on water once; he got in a boat and asked the disciples to launch out many times.
Jesus' exit strategy was strange. We are told by the gospel writer that Jesus walked through their midst. I always saw that as miraculous. But there is something in this situation that is highly applicable to today's gun violence.
Gavin De Becker, a noted threat authority, says that as a child he saw one family member shoot another on more than one occasion. He learned that when the person backs away from the target, it meant that they would soon fire the weapon. The principle is, that guns (and in Jesus' case, stones) are very impersonal weapons at a distance. Up close, most people would not shoot. That is why many people are shot running from an assailant. So my point is, that by moving toward those who threatened him, Jesus secured an advantage for his safety.
The second additional result of Jesus turning the other cheek was that he personalized himself. These people perhaps knew Jesus at a distance. His engaging them on a personal level about his good works and his mission in this world made him more of a flesh-and-blood person, instead of an impersonal news maker.
I saw this vividly back in the late 60's on a trip to an Alabama state park with our Boy Scout troop; it was made up of kids from a federal housing project next to Georgia Tech. Some graduate students were along on this trip, and it was a mixed-race troop of scouts--not unusual for Atlanta, but extremely unusual for this Alabama community. First, someone released the brake on one of our vehicles; we returned after our swim to find it perched on the curb with the rear wheels off the ground.
We towed the car off its perch, left the park, and stopped to pick some plums at an orchard. A group of young guys, 18 to 20-ish, stopped their car, and I walked down and greeted them in a friendly way. The fact that there were three in the front seat and three in the back should have clued me to the fact that their purpose was not recreational. One told me that people would shoot us for bringing an integrated group into the park (not their exact words, as you can guess). I was so naive that I thought they were just helping us out by making us aware of this threat. So I thanked them profusely. I told them who we were, where we were from, and that we had permission to pick the plums. They didn't say anything more, and drove off. The other Tech students, including one whose father was a chief of police, got very excited when I told them what was said. But I know that my friendly, chatty manner kept that situation from escalating. I owed it all to my being so naive, and to some very effective guardian angels, who also had a great sense of humor, apparently.
Since then I have felt great empathy for those who had to live under the type of intimidation and fear that we saw in that particular Alabama community. I also felt a sense of loss for the teens who so narrowed their horizons by learning the ways of their parents in perpetuating that violence.
My hope is that teens as well as adults will learn skills of avoiding and of de-escalating violence--skills that become so second nature to them that they become automatic when there is little time to think.
When we last looked at Turning the Other Cheek, "Followup" segment, we considered the case where Jesus was met with an angry mob who had picked up rocks and was ready to stone him. His response, "For which of my good works do you stone me?" changed the atmosphere such that he could talk about issues. And that is the whole purpose of turning the other cheek: We de-escalate a situation. We do so by asking the other person to stop and judge us in yet another way.
The person may have already judged us, and may want to punish us by escalating to something hurtful, either by what they say (condemning, ridiculing), or how they say it (a louder or more threatening tone). These situations can quickly escalate to the threat of physical violence, as it did with Jesus.
I want to talk about two additional results of Jesus turning the other cheek. The first was that it gave him time to execute his exit strategy. When Jesus was later facing arrest and death on the cross, he told the disciples that he could ask his Father, and He would send legions of angels to deliver him (although we know that was not his plan). But in most of his life, as in our lives, Jesus relied on natural means for his protection and his needs. He walked on water once; he got in a boat and asked the disciples to launch out many times.
Jesus' exit strategy was strange. We are told by the gospel writer that Jesus walked through their midst. I always saw that as miraculous. But there is something in this situation that is highly applicable to today's gun violence.
Gavin De Becker, a noted threat authority, says that as a child he saw one family member shoot another on more than one occasion. He learned that when the person backs away from the target, it meant that they would soon fire the weapon. The principle is, that guns (and in Jesus' case, stones) are very impersonal weapons at a distance. Up close, most people would not shoot. That is why many people are shot running from an assailant. So my point is, that by moving toward those who threatened him, Jesus secured an advantage for his safety.
The second additional result of Jesus turning the other cheek was that he personalized himself. These people perhaps knew Jesus at a distance. His engaging them on a personal level about his good works and his mission in this world made him more of a flesh-and-blood person, instead of an impersonal news maker.
I saw this vividly back in the late 60's on a trip to an Alabama state park with our Boy Scout troop; it was made up of kids from a federal housing project next to Georgia Tech. Some graduate students were along on this trip, and it was a mixed-race troop of scouts--not unusual for Atlanta, but extremely unusual for this Alabama community. First, someone released the brake on one of our vehicles; we returned after our swim to find it perched on the curb with the rear wheels off the ground.
We towed the car off its perch, left the park, and stopped to pick some plums at an orchard. A group of young guys, 18 to 20-ish, stopped their car, and I walked down and greeted them in a friendly way. The fact that there were three in the front seat and three in the back should have clued me to the fact that their purpose was not recreational. One told me that people would shoot us for bringing an integrated group into the park (not their exact words, as you can guess). I was so naive that I thought they were just helping us out by making us aware of this threat. So I thanked them profusely. I told them who we were, where we were from, and that we had permission to pick the plums. They didn't say anything more, and drove off. The other Tech students, including one whose father was a chief of police, got very excited when I told them what was said. But I know that my friendly, chatty manner kept that situation from escalating. I owed it all to my being so naive, and to some very effective guardian angels, who also had a great sense of humor, apparently.
Since then I have felt great empathy for those who had to live under the type of intimidation and fear that we saw in that particular Alabama community. I also felt a sense of loss for the teens who so narrowed their horizons by learning the ways of their parents in perpetuating that violence.
My hope is that teens as well as adults will learn skills of avoiding and of de-escalating violence--skills that become so second nature to them that they become automatic when there is little time to think.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Communication Breakdown
Every marriage or other family relationship, friendship, and business partnership at one point or another will suffer a communication breakdown. It's the proverbial doghouse. We don't come out for a loooong time--things are tense, people are not talking, and resolving seems impossible.
The other party may seem to be nit picky, making us jump through hoops, not caring about resolving, and have a never-ending list of wrongs. Couples who experience this often may think they are in two separate worlds; often, they come to the conclusion that they have grown apart; they are not the same people who fell in love and got married.
I once asked a couple experiencing this to consider a biblical point: If Jesus is the Great Physician, why not accept his diagnosis?
The scripture I am introducing is where Jesus gives an illustration of a situation that results in a lawsuit. He says, "Make peace quickly with your adversary, or else, your adversary will deliver you to the judge, the judge to the jailer, and you will be thrown into prison. I am telling you the truth, you won't come out of that prison until you have paid the last cent." (my paraphrase, but you can read this yourself in the Sermon on the Mount in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 5.)
Now that prison sounds a little like our doghouse, doesn't it? Jesus is using the pain of financial distress and debtors' prison to describe the pain of not resolving issues while we are "in the way" with someone we care about. Paying the last "cent" describes how petty and endless the list of wrongs can be.
In the context of those times, your ox gores someone else's ox as you unload produce from your farm. You can settle there, on the spot, for the damages; or, you can deny liability, and hope your adversary won't drag you to court.
It is so much easier to resolve "in the way". It costs less, and when you are done, there is not this lingering fear that things are going to get much worse.
When we don't resolve quickly, things build up until there is a list of wrongs. Many are petty, and it is very difficult and painful to go down that list. Sometimes a counselor is helpful to get through the list, if you can find one committed to your marriage. How much better it is to resolve "in the way".
I discussed this principle with a young married engineer I worked with. He was studying the bible, but couldn't come to believe that his wife was an "adversary". He acknowledged that as he and his wife grew in their faith, their communication breakdowns were becoming less frequent and were not lasting as long. Most churches and counselors do teach couples to resolve matters quickly, and not to go to bed mad.
There are benefits to understanding this passage. Number one, we will be ever so vigilant because we understand that Jesus is using a very painful situation to describe the pain of not resolving in the way.
The second reason for applying the verse is that we are not likely to blame "drifting apart", or our partner for not being appreciative or considerate. We are more likely to say, "This pain is because we did not resolve the matter when we should have."
A third reason is that when confronted with this list, and with failures that seem all so petty, we will (I am speaking to the guys, here) MAN UP, and patiently go down that list, without whining about jumping through endless hoops.
If we realize that in a recent situation we did not resolve in the way, (my wife just reminded me of this need) then get back in the way with that spouse, co-worker, friend, business partner, or team-mate and resolve quickly. Ask forgiveness.
It always helps to have an accurate diagnosis; for a communication breakdown, Jesus seems to provide one. If you have an example of where this principle has helped you, please post a comment.
The other party may seem to be nit picky, making us jump through hoops, not caring about resolving, and have a never-ending list of wrongs. Couples who experience this often may think they are in two separate worlds; often, they come to the conclusion that they have grown apart; they are not the same people who fell in love and got married.
I once asked a couple experiencing this to consider a biblical point: If Jesus is the Great Physician, why not accept his diagnosis?
The scripture I am introducing is where Jesus gives an illustration of a situation that results in a lawsuit. He says, "Make peace quickly with your adversary, or else, your adversary will deliver you to the judge, the judge to the jailer, and you will be thrown into prison. I am telling you the truth, you won't come out of that prison until you have paid the last cent." (my paraphrase, but you can read this yourself in the Sermon on the Mount in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 5.)
Now that prison sounds a little like our doghouse, doesn't it? Jesus is using the pain of financial distress and debtors' prison to describe the pain of not resolving issues while we are "in the way" with someone we care about. Paying the last "cent" describes how petty and endless the list of wrongs can be.
In the context of those times, your ox gores someone else's ox as you unload produce from your farm. You can settle there, on the spot, for the damages; or, you can deny liability, and hope your adversary won't drag you to court.
It is so much easier to resolve "in the way". It costs less, and when you are done, there is not this lingering fear that things are going to get much worse.
When we don't resolve quickly, things build up until there is a list of wrongs. Many are petty, and it is very difficult and painful to go down that list. Sometimes a counselor is helpful to get through the list, if you can find one committed to your marriage. How much better it is to resolve "in the way".
I discussed this principle with a young married engineer I worked with. He was studying the bible, but couldn't come to believe that his wife was an "adversary". He acknowledged that as he and his wife grew in their faith, their communication breakdowns were becoming less frequent and were not lasting as long. Most churches and counselors do teach couples to resolve matters quickly, and not to go to bed mad.
There are benefits to understanding this passage. Number one, we will be ever so vigilant because we understand that Jesus is using a very painful situation to describe the pain of not resolving in the way.
The second reason for applying the verse is that we are not likely to blame "drifting apart", or our partner for not being appreciative or considerate. We are more likely to say, "This pain is because we did not resolve the matter when we should have."
A third reason is that when confronted with this list, and with failures that seem all so petty, we will (I am speaking to the guys, here) MAN UP, and patiently go down that list, without whining about jumping through endless hoops.
If we realize that in a recent situation we did not resolve in the way, (my wife just reminded me of this need) then get back in the way with that spouse, co-worker, friend, business partner, or team-mate and resolve quickly. Ask forgiveness.
It always helps to have an accurate diagnosis; for a communication breakdown, Jesus seems to provide one. If you have an example of where this principle has helped you, please post a comment.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Is Tradition the Enemy of Truth?
First, let's establish the fact that we are not talking about church tradition. We are talking about every-day actions, that cumulatively form a tradition of how people behave.
There are two examples of this that readily come to mind in the scriptures. One deals directly in this area of peace.
In the Sermon on the Mount, where I am taking most of Jesus' sayings (Gospel of Matthew, chapters 5, 6, and 7), Jesus said something like this (to paraphrase), "You know that most people are saying Eye for and Eye, and Tooth for Tooth; but, I am telling you, do not resist an evil person." Jesus then talks about: turning the other cheek, going the extra mile, and loving one's enemies.
Now when Moses gave the command Eye-for-Eye, and Tooth-for-Tooth, it was in the context of the administration of justice - i.e., that in court, the punishment should fit the crime. Moses, as God's spokesperson, was saying that it was wrong to chop off someone's hand for petty theft. Moses would also say it was wrong to slap a man's wrist, as often happens today, for beating up his wife.
But this rule, that applied to judicial situations, was being applied in personal situations. Jesus was addressing the tradition, or practice, of using this biblical quotation to justify paying people back for everyday wrongs. Someone told me once, "I don't get even, I get ahead!" And that's the attitude Jesus was addressing.
Jesus also addressed another tradition of dedicating money "to God" that one would otherwise use to help his or her elderly parents. Jesus said that their traditions were being put before the commandment of God, notably, one of the Ten Commandments, to honor their father and mother. They were in effect, nullifying God's command to follow their own tradition.
So that is one reason we need to get a FRESH LOOK at Jesus' sayings, because they have in many cases been nullified or minimized by centuries of tradition. That fresh look is the goal of this blog.
Look at it this way: If Jesus is called the Prince of Peace, then his followers should be making a big impact on this country in the way of bringing about peace within our families and on our streets. (And many Christians are impacting their communities in this way.) Perhaps we need to dust off these sayings and see how we can really apply them. What do you think?
There are two examples of this that readily come to mind in the scriptures. One deals directly in this area of peace.
In the Sermon on the Mount, where I am taking most of Jesus' sayings (Gospel of Matthew, chapters 5, 6, and 7), Jesus said something like this (to paraphrase), "You know that most people are saying Eye for and Eye, and Tooth for Tooth; but, I am telling you, do not resist an evil person." Jesus then talks about: turning the other cheek, going the extra mile, and loving one's enemies.
Now when Moses gave the command Eye-for-Eye, and Tooth-for-Tooth, it was in the context of the administration of justice - i.e., that in court, the punishment should fit the crime. Moses, as God's spokesperson, was saying that it was wrong to chop off someone's hand for petty theft. Moses would also say it was wrong to slap a man's wrist, as often happens today, for beating up his wife.
But this rule, that applied to judicial situations, was being applied in personal situations. Jesus was addressing the tradition, or practice, of using this biblical quotation to justify paying people back for everyday wrongs. Someone told me once, "I don't get even, I get ahead!" And that's the attitude Jesus was addressing.
Jesus also addressed another tradition of dedicating money "to God" that one would otherwise use to help his or her elderly parents. Jesus said that their traditions were being put before the commandment of God, notably, one of the Ten Commandments, to honor their father and mother. They were in effect, nullifying God's command to follow their own tradition.
So that is one reason we need to get a FRESH LOOK at Jesus' sayings, because they have in many cases been nullified or minimized by centuries of tradition. That fresh look is the goal of this blog.
Look at it this way: If Jesus is called the Prince of Peace, then his followers should be making a big impact on this country in the way of bringing about peace within our families and on our streets. (And many Christians are impacting their communities in this way.) Perhaps we need to dust off these sayings and see how we can really apply them. What do you think?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Turning the Other Cheek Followup
Here are some typical questions that arise
1. When did Jesus turn the other cheek? That's a good question, because we would expect Jesus to demonstrate every principle he encouraged his disciples to follow.
One example is this. When responding to persecution, Jesus said, "For which of my good works do you persecute me?" Now this response was in the vein of turning the other cheek, in that it invited an examination and judgement on the part of his detractors.
This response brought about several things.
First, it got the conflict out of the physical arena--because they were about to stone him--into the conflict of ideas and issues. For us, that's always the objective. We want to de-escalate from fists to a discussion of what went wrong, or why this person has a beef with us.
Secondly, it pointed out the incongruity of their persecution. Jesus had done good things; he had healed, he had fed, he had taught, he had encouraged the faint hearted. Instead of a defensive, How dare you persecute me? --he responded with a simple request to examine his good works.
2. A Second question arises about abusive relationships. And this is important because truly abusive relationships are dangerous. Many people are killed by a boyfriend or spouse because of an abusive relationship. Gavin de Becker, a foremost U.S. authority on threats, says that a woman in an abusive relationship has a shorter life expectancy than a woman on death row. So a person in an abusive relationship needs to get to a place of safety. (De Becker's book, The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence is excellent).
Turning the other cheek is for other situations, ranging from great marriages, to situational domestic violence. The latter is where things just seem to always escalate between two people.
3. The third question arises from our normal or traditional thinking about this concept. Isn't this for the situation where one is persecuted for being a Christian, and about to be sent into the arena to fight lions, as occurred in ancient Rome. I would answer two ways. The first is that we can't expect to suddenly apply a biblical principle in some distant glorious moment. We won't understand it. We need to apply it on a daily basis with our friends, co-workers, and family members, so when the time of real testing comes, we'll have the insight to use it.
Secondly, don't forget, that turning the other cheek is what we do BEFORE there is violence. We de-escalate by inviting examination and judgment, instead of escalating with defensiveness.
4. So how do we correct the behaviour of the person who is doing the "hitting"? Well, we first correct our own behaviour, that is, our defensiveness, which is part of what drives the escalation. When we are sincere, turning the other cheek frequently gives us a secure platform from which to address the other person's wrongs. However, turning the other cheek sometimes by itself will bring about an openness about his or her own fault in the matter.
When slandered, Jesus did not slander in return. He said some powerful things to his persecutors, but it was to speak to their consciences, and not to "one up" them.
AND NOW, please leave a response, especially if you have tried this, regardless of what ensued as a result.
1. When did Jesus turn the other cheek? That's a good question, because we would expect Jesus to demonstrate every principle he encouraged his disciples to follow.
One example is this. When responding to persecution, Jesus said, "For which of my good works do you persecute me?" Now this response was in the vein of turning the other cheek, in that it invited an examination and judgement on the part of his detractors.
This response brought about several things.
First, it got the conflict out of the physical arena--because they were about to stone him--into the conflict of ideas and issues. For us, that's always the objective. We want to de-escalate from fists to a discussion of what went wrong, or why this person has a beef with us.
Secondly, it pointed out the incongruity of their persecution. Jesus had done good things; he had healed, he had fed, he had taught, he had encouraged the faint hearted. Instead of a defensive, How dare you persecute me? --he responded with a simple request to examine his good works.
2. A Second question arises about abusive relationships. And this is important because truly abusive relationships are dangerous. Many people are killed by a boyfriend or spouse because of an abusive relationship. Gavin de Becker, a foremost U.S. authority on threats, says that a woman in an abusive relationship has a shorter life expectancy than a woman on death row. So a person in an abusive relationship needs to get to a place of safety. (De Becker's book, The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence is excellent).
Turning the other cheek is for other situations, ranging from great marriages, to situational domestic violence. The latter is where things just seem to always escalate between two people.
3. The third question arises from our normal or traditional thinking about this concept. Isn't this for the situation where one is persecuted for being a Christian, and about to be sent into the arena to fight lions, as occurred in ancient Rome. I would answer two ways. The first is that we can't expect to suddenly apply a biblical principle in some distant glorious moment. We won't understand it. We need to apply it on a daily basis with our friends, co-workers, and family members, so when the time of real testing comes, we'll have the insight to use it.
Secondly, don't forget, that turning the other cheek is what we do BEFORE there is violence. We de-escalate by inviting examination and judgment, instead of escalating with defensiveness.
4. So how do we correct the behaviour of the person who is doing the "hitting"? Well, we first correct our own behaviour, that is, our defensiveness, which is part of what drives the escalation. When we are sincere, turning the other cheek frequently gives us a secure platform from which to address the other person's wrongs. However, turning the other cheek sometimes by itself will bring about an openness about his or her own fault in the matter.
When slandered, Jesus did not slander in return. He said some powerful things to his persecutors, but it was to speak to their consciences, and not to "one up" them.
AND NOW, please leave a response, especially if you have tried this, regardless of what ensued as a result.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Turn the Other Cheek
Jesus said to turn the other cheek. So, was being slapped on the cheek something that happens once in a lifetime, or something we have to deal with daily?
I believe that most of Jesus' important principles were meant for daily use. Take "Go the extra mile". We hear daily that others are trying to go the extra mile to serve us in come capacity, or the boss is telling us to go the extra mile to help a client.
Turning the other cheek is a concept for daily use. It is the primary means to stop an altercation with another person from escalating.
Our natural tendency is to be defensive. We are criticized, so we protest. Our defense puts up a wall the other person tries to go over; they do this by getting louder. Our defense gets louder, or rather, the wall gets higher, and a greater effort must be made by the other person to go higher, get louder.
What if we said, "Why are you raising your voice? Was I not listening to what you said?"
We then are asking the other person to judge us (slap the other cheek) by evaluating our listening. We are not being doormats. We are confronting a wrong--but in the nicest possible way. We are saying that their yelling is not acceptable. But we are doing it by asking them to judge how we were listening.
This is just one example. By confronting a wrong, we are not being timid, but strong. We are asking the other person to judge us in another aspect of our behaviour.
If I address some perceived fault of my dear wife, and she says, "Is there anything else I need to ask forgiveness for?", she is turning the other cheek.
No one says this is easy, or that it is learned overnight, or that it will instantly cure every bad relationship we have. It takes a lifetime to learn. It may not stop violence but it is our best shot, if used sincerely and not manipulatively.
What do you think? Send a tweet if you have a comment (@wmacvvg) or add a comment below. We'll talk more on this subject in the blog.
I believe that most of Jesus' important principles were meant for daily use. Take "Go the extra mile". We hear daily that others are trying to go the extra mile to serve us in come capacity, or the boss is telling us to go the extra mile to help a client.
Turning the other cheek is a concept for daily use. It is the primary means to stop an altercation with another person from escalating.
Our natural tendency is to be defensive. We are criticized, so we protest. Our defense puts up a wall the other person tries to go over; they do this by getting louder. Our defense gets louder, or rather, the wall gets higher, and a greater effort must be made by the other person to go higher, get louder.
What if we said, "Why are you raising your voice? Was I not listening to what you said?"
We then are asking the other person to judge us (slap the other cheek) by evaluating our listening. We are not being doormats. We are confronting a wrong--but in the nicest possible way. We are saying that their yelling is not acceptable. But we are doing it by asking them to judge how we were listening.
This is just one example. By confronting a wrong, we are not being timid, but strong. We are asking the other person to judge us in another aspect of our behaviour.
If I address some perceived fault of my dear wife, and she says, "Is there anything else I need to ask forgiveness for?", she is turning the other cheek.
No one says this is easy, or that it is learned overnight, or that it will instantly cure every bad relationship we have. It takes a lifetime to learn. It may not stop violence but it is our best shot, if used sincerely and not manipulatively.
What do you think? Send a tweet if you have a comment (@wmacvvg) or add a comment below. We'll talk more on this subject in the blog.
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