Understanding Gun Violence

People generally think of turning the other cheek as putting us in a position of weakness. The contrary is true, however; our adversaries expect us to act defensively, and they are taken aback by an unexpected response. They are caught off guard. It puts us in a position of strength, and gives us an opportunity to plan our next move. (In the following examples, please keep in mind that we are talking about everyday people caught up in potential or situational violence, not hard core gangsters, terrorists, chronic domestic violence, or serial killers.)

When we last looked at Turning the Other Cheek, "Followup" segment, we considered the case where Jesus was met with an angry mob who had picked up rocks and was ready to stone him. His response, "For which of my good works do you stone me?" changed the atmosphere such that he could talk about issues. And that is the whole purpose of turning the other cheek: We de-escalate a situation. We do so by asking the other person to stop and judge us in yet another way.

The person may have already judged us, and may want to punish us by escalating to something hurtful, either by what they say (condemning, ridiculing), or how they say it (a louder or more threatening tone). These situations can quickly escalate to the threat of physical violence, as it did with Jesus.

I want to talk about two additional results of Jesus turning the other cheek. The first was that it gave him time to execute his exit strategy. When Jesus was later facing arrest and death on the cross, he told the disciples that he could ask his Father, and He would send legions of angels to deliver him (although we know that was not his plan). But in most of his life, as in our lives, Jesus relied on natural means for his protection and his needs. He walked on water once; he got in a boat and asked the disciples to launch out many times.

Jesus' exit strategy was strange. We are told by the gospel writer that Jesus walked through their midst. I always saw that as miraculous. But there is something in this situation that is highly applicable to today's gun violence.

Gavin De Becker, a noted threat authority, says that as a child he saw one family member shoot another on more than one occasion. He learned that when the person backs away from the target, it meant that they would soon fire the weapon. The principle is, that guns (and in Jesus' case, stones) are very impersonal weapons at a distance. Up close, most people would not shoot. That is why many people are shot running from an assailant. So my point is, that by moving toward those who threatened him, Jesus secured an advantage for his safety.

The second additional result of Jesus turning the other cheek was that he personalized himself. These people perhaps knew Jesus at a distance. His engaging them on a personal level about his good works and his mission in this world made him more of a flesh-and-blood person, instead of an impersonal news maker.

I saw this vividly back in the late 60's on a trip to an Alabama state park with our Boy Scout troop; it was made up of kids from a federal housing project next to Georgia Tech. Some graduate students were along on this trip, and it was a mixed-race troop of scouts--not unusual for Atlanta, but extremely unusual for this Alabama community. First, someone released the brake on one of our vehicles; we returned after our swim to find it perched on the curb with the rear wheels off the ground.

We towed the car off its perch, left the park, and stopped to pick some plums at an orchard. A group of young guys, 18 to 20-ish, stopped their car, and I walked down and greeted them in a friendly way. The fact that there were three in the front seat and three in the back should have clued me to the fact that their purpose was not recreational. One told me that people would shoot us for bringing an integrated group into the park (not their exact words, as you can guess). I was so naive that I thought they were just helping us out by making us aware of this threat. So I thanked them profusely. I told them who we were, where we were from, and that we had permission to pick the plums. They didn't say anything more, and drove off. The other Tech students, including one whose father was a chief of police, got very excited when I told them what was said. But I know that my friendly, chatty manner kept that situation from escalating. I owed it all to my being so naive, and to some very effective guardian angels, who also had a great sense of humor, apparently.

Since then I have felt great empathy for those who had to live under the type of intimidation and fear that we saw in that particular Alabama community. I also felt a sense of loss for the teens who so narrowed their horizons by learning the ways of their parents in perpetuating that violence.

My hope is that teens as well as adults will learn skills of avoiding and of de-escalating violence--skills that become so second nature to them that they become automatic when there is little time to think.

Turning the Other Cheek Followup

Here are some typical questions that arise


1. When did Jesus turn the other cheek? That's a good question, because we would expect Jesus to demonstrate every principle he encouraged his disciples to follow.

One example is this. When responding to persecution, Jesus said, "For which of my good works do you persecute me?" Now this response was in the vein of turning the other cheek, in that it invited an examination and judgement on the part of his detractors.

This response brought about several things.

First, it got the conflict out of the physical arena--because they were about to stone him--into the conflict of ideas and issues. For us, that's always the objective. We want to de-escalate from fists to a discussion of what went wrong, or why this person has a beef with us.

Secondly, it pointed out the incongruity of their persecution. Jesus had done good things; he had healed, he had fed, he had taught, he had encouraged the faint hearted. Instead of a defensive, How dare you persecute me? --he responded with a simple request to examine his good works.


2. A Second question arises about abusive relationships. And this is important because truly abusive relationships are dangerous. Many people are killed by a boyfriend or spouse because of an abusive relationship. Gavin de Becker, a foremost U.S. authority on threats, says that a woman in an abusive relationship has a shorter life expectancy than a woman on death row. So a person in an abusive relationship needs to get to a place of safety. (De Becker's book, The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence is excellent).

Turning the other cheek is for other situations, ranging from great marriages, to situational domestic violence. The latter is where things just seem to always escalate between two people.


3. The third question arises from our normal or traditional thinking about this concept. Isn't this for the situation where one is persecuted for being a Christian, and about to be sent into the arena to fight lions, as occurred in ancient Rome. I would answer two ways. The first is that we can't expect to suddenly apply a biblical principle in some distant glorious moment. We won't understand it. We need to apply it on a daily basis with our friends, co-workers, and family members, so when the time of real testing comes, we'll have the insight to use it.

Secondly, don't forget, that turning the other cheek is what we do BEFORE there is violence. We de-escalate by inviting examination and judgment, instead of escalating with defensiveness.

4. So how do we correct the behaviour of the person who is doing the "hitting"? Well, we first correct our own behaviour, that is, our defensiveness, which is part of what drives the escalation. When we are sincere, turning the other cheek frequently gives us a secure platform from which to address the other person's wrongs. However, turning the other cheek sometimes by itself will bring about an openness about his or her own fault in the matter.

When slandered, Jesus did not slander in return. He said some powerful things to his persecutors, but it was to speak to their consciences, and not to "one up" them.

AND NOW, please leave a response, especially if you have tried this, regardless of what ensued as a result.

Turn the Other Cheek

Jesus said to turn the other cheek. So, was being slapped on the cheek something that happens once in a lifetime, or something we have to deal with daily?

I believe that most of Jesus' important principles were meant for daily use. Take "Go the extra mile". We hear daily that others are trying to go the extra mile to serve us in come capacity, or the boss is telling us to go the extra mile to help a client.

Turning the other cheek is a concept for daily use. It is the primary means to stop an altercation with another person from escalating.

Our natural tendency is to be defensive. We are criticized, so we protest. Our defense puts up a wall the other person tries to go over; they do this by getting louder. Our defense gets louder, or rather, the wall gets higher, and a greater effort must be made by the other person to go higher, get louder.

What if we said, "Why are you raising your voice? Was I not listening to what you said?"

We then are asking the other person to judge us (slap the other cheek) by evaluating our listening. We are not being doormats. We are confronting a wrong--but in the nicest possible way. We are saying that their yelling is not acceptable. But we are doing it by asking them to judge how we were listening.

This is just one example. By confronting a wrong, we are not being timid, but strong. We are asking the other person to judge us in another aspect of our behaviour.

If I address some perceived fault of my dear wife, and she says, "Is there anything else I need to ask forgiveness for?", she is turning the other cheek.

No one says this is easy, or that it is learned overnight, or that it will instantly cure every bad relationship we have. It takes a lifetime to learn. It may not stop violence but it is our best shot, if used sincerely and not manipulatively.

What do you think? Send a tweet if you have a comment (@wmacvvg) or add a comment below. We'll talk more on this subject in the blog.